Can sudden losses cause a person eventually to become practically emotionless?
I am asking this question since I went through 3 losses two years ago come July. I spoke about it on here a while ago, but since have just got on with things.
To speak briefly, as I dont wish to go on, my parents split in July 2008. My Dad then practically made my Mum and I homeless, as he sold our much loved family home of 15 years, and moved down south, so Mum and I had to buy somewhere quickly, even though the old place hadnt sold. My Dad already had another property he bought for my sister when she was at uni, so moved there. Mum and I were living basically on the breadline for a whole year. At the same time, my Grandad was dying of dementia, and every time I went to see him, he got worse, until the time came when I last saw him alive, he was practically dead, just breathing quietly, not opening his eyes. We had to try and look after him, toilet him and feed him etc, as even though he was in a care home, the staff were sometimes rushed off their feet and not always had time.
He died in December 2008 right before Christmas. My Dad didnt bother to show for the funeral, due to a petty argument over finances with my Mum, and I felt quite hurt, as he knew him for years. Since then, I have tried to just get on with things, I am at uni and getting on with life, but I feel absolutely drained of any emotion except for anger. It only takes a flatmate to speak on the phone next door, and I am banging on the walls, telling them to shut up.
I can talk to a friend about this, but he has loads on just now so I feel terrible bombarding him. There is no compassion left, and I said something really uncalled for the other day about a friend of his who was dying, which otherwise I would have passed on my regards.
I am trying to pinpoint when I first started becoming "emotionless", and I am not sure if it is these events, or the fact I have tried to keep in contact with my Dad but he always makes excuses, and blatantly lies about not seeing other women. Havent seen him since last November. I split with my ex last Christmas, and although I ended it, not sure if that could be added to the "loss" list.
So can people really become emotionless through many losses over a period of time? Would just like some answers. I am seeing a psychiatric nurse at the moment who I can talk through things, but would like to hear from others on here. Many thanks
It sounds like you’re depressed. Sometimes when we have lots of losses or traumas, we tip into depression without even being aware of it. I would say though, that you should take some reassurance from the fact that you are behaving perfectly normally considering what you’ve been through. You’ve had a very stressful time and in fact you are still under considerable stress with your studies and your family issues. If you weren’t feeling low, then you have a reason to worry, that response would be abnormal.
The emotionlessness is a symptom of the depression or low mood and in a way it protects you from anything else hurting you. I mean, if you don’t feel it, it won’t hurt. It’s your body’s way of preventing you from any more pain. As your life stresses improve and with help from your psychiatric nurse, you will regain your ability to feel emotion again. Don’t worry. Anger comes from a different place to hurt, so that’s why your feeling it.
TC
It’s great that your seeing someone professional and have someone you can talk to.